


You Are My Love

by Judy_Jen_Forever



Category: Dead To Me (TV)
Genre: Cute, F/F, Falling In Love, Jealousy, Lesbian Character, Lesbian Sex, Love, Love Confessions, Protection
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:08:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25554835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Judy_Jen_Forever/pseuds/Judy_Jen_Forever
Summary: We live together. I love her. I worry about her. This is normal.I'm jealous. Why am I jealous?She makes me feel good. She makes me feel alive.She is my love.I love her.
Relationships: Judy Hale & Jen Harding, Judy Hale/Jen Harding
Comments: 13
Kudos: 53





	1. Fear

**Author's Note:**

> This is a long and romantic story, with many twists.  
> I hope you like it.  
> I am almost certain that there will be many mistakes, because English is not my first language.  
> I kindly ask you, if you find any important mistakes, to write the corrections on the notes, because I'm trying to improve my English and I'm writing many stories about Jen and Judy and I would be happy to share them with you, guys.  
> Thanks to anyone who will help me.

Jen was at home watching TV, sighing over the absence of Judy, who had gone to dinner with Michelle. Sure, she was happy for her, or maybe she just was trying to convince herself about that, but she felt like a strange annoyance at the idea that Judy had gone out with the woman. Or maybe because she had left her alone to sip wine on the couch, as they always used to do together.  
She tried to get rid of these strange thoughts, but after an hour of zapping, she decided to go to sleep, hoping to hear Judy coming back at some point. Because dinner is okay, but even the "after dinner"? Or worse, sleeping at Michelle's? No, no, no. What thoughts are you having, Jennifer? She said to herself. She's free to stay there, if she likes. Geez. 

As she was putting away the glasses, (yes, she had taken two, as usual, so as not to feel alone), her cell phone vibrated.  
"Judy" appeared on the display, and Jen felt an emptiness in her stomach. She grabbed the phone, wondering what the reason for that call might be, given that Judy was on her date.

"Jude? What is it, the most boring appointment in history?" she asked laughing and maybe hoping for that.  
"Jen, it's Michelle" a worried voice replied, clearly not paying attention to Jen's sour joke.  
"Michelle? What happens?" now Jennifer was in panic. What happened? Was Judy not well? Why was she calling her? Had they had an accident? Terror completely invaded her.  
"I'm calling you because Judy is in the hospital" her heart seemed to stop at those words "it's not serious, so don't worry".  
"What's wrong!? What happened!" her voice was shaking and she was already wearing something to go and rush to the woman.  
"She had an allergic reaction. She... she tasted canapes and... there were shrimp. I didn't know that she was allergic to shellfish. She wasn't breathing, so I called an ambulance. They immediately gave her the cortisone and now she is fine" Michelle's voice was agitated "she asked me to call you."  
"I'll be there in a minute. Are you at Laguna Beach Hospital?"  
"Yes."  
"Ok, I'm coming. Tell her I'm coming" she said in overprotective mode.  
"All right."

Jen felt her legs tremble thinking about Judy in the hospital, about Judy who had risked dying, about Judy in danger.  
She couldn't think that, far from her, her life had been jeopardized by Michelle. Obviously Judy was allergic to shrimp! She knew it well. They are known to be allergenic foods! When you don't know someone, you ask them if they are allergic to something! She thought nervously while driving.

Jen arrived to the hospital in minutes.

"Hi, I'm looking for Judy Hale, she was brought here for an allergic attack tonight" she asked agitatedly to the nurse at the desk.  
"Yes," the woman replied, checking the computer. "Miss Hale is on the second floor. Room number seven."  
"Thanks" Jen walked quickly to the elevator, and in a few minutes she found herself in front of the corridor, walking quickly and entering the room without even knocking "Judy!" she entered and saw her friend lying on the bed, with two pillows behind her back, and Michelle next to her, on the chair. When the blonde entered, Judy turned to her and her eyes lit up, like every time Jen entered a room.

"Jen..."  
"Are you OK?" she quickly approached her, taking her hand, stroking her face "what happened, how are you feeling? Can you breathe well?" Jen didn't even look at Michelle, and the woman thought it was normal, given the agitation of the moment.  
"I'm fine, Jen, don't worry. I inadvertently ate shrimp and had an allergic reaction. Luckily Michelle called the ambulance, and they came right away."  
"Inadvertently? How is that possible? Usually you are very careful and..."  
"It was my fault," Michelle said. "I'm sorry, I prepared the canapes. I didn't ask Judy if she had any allergies."  
"No, no, it's not your fault," Judy added in her usual sweet and understanding tone. Jen looked seriously at Michelle and then also at Judy. She was going to say something but she stopped. Now the important thing was to make sure Judy was fine.  
"Well, I'm a chef. I should have asked you if you were allergic to some kind of food," she said, sorry.  
Jen sat on the bed, to emphasize her familiarity with the woman, as if to point up that Judy was somehow "her", while Michelle was sitting on the chair next to the bed instead.  
"Are you feeling well now?" Jen asked Judy, stroking her face with love and pulling her bangs away from her eyes. Gesture that didn't go unnoticed in Michelle's eyes. Judy blushed slightly, but she felt safe under that touch.  
"Yes, don't worry, Jen, I'm fine. It certainly wasn't cool not being able to breathe, but" she said smiling, remembering those moments with fear "but luckily the amount of shrimp was minimal, and so my reaction was not so bad. I mean not fatal. The ambulance arrived on time".  
"Geez... You should go around with that pen... The one for allergic reactions," said Jen, almost sternly, but it was clear that her stern tone was actually addressed to Michelle.  
"Well, being allergic only to shellfish, I'm usually not so at risk, you know that" she try to justify "but I will do it, no doubt. After today I will always carry cortisone with me."  
"Good" Jen concluded, satisfied "What did the doctors say?"  
"They want to monitor me for a few more hours, but then I can go home," Judy replied.  
"Fine, OK."  
"I can take you home," Michelle said, trying to make herself available, because of the guilt that devoured her. But Jen instinctively turned to her.  
"No need to do it, I'll take her home" while she said those words, she realized that she had absolutely not considered Judy's will, that perhaps she would have preferred that "her date" accompanied her home "I mean, if that's okay with Judy" she tried. She and Judy lived together, obviously she would take her home.  
"Sure. Michelle, go home" Judy said softly "you must be tired, it was an intense evening for both of us, you go to rest, Jen will take me home" Michelle nodded and Jen felt satisfied with that choice, so much that she could not hide the bright smile that appeared on her face.  
"Ok. So...have rest and let me know how you are" Michelle said, approaching her and giving her a chaste kiss on the cheek "I'm so sorry," she added softly.  
"It's okay, I'm fine" Judy reassured her again.  
"Bye, Jen."  
"Michelle" she replied coldly.

When the woman left, Judy couldn't resist commenting.

"You really don't like her, huh?"  
"It's not like that" was the embarrassed reply "I'm just worried. I mean, I know you are having dinner with her and afterwards I find you in the hospital" she continued, agitated "right now, believe me, I wouldn't like anyone."  
"But I'm fine... It was just an accident" she tried to justify her date.  
"An accident that shouldn't have happened. She was so reckless! How could she not think about it? I mean, she is a chef, she should be familiar with this kind of problems!"  
"Jen...come on, calm down. Everything is okay".  
Jen sighed, taking her hand "you don't know how scared I was..."  
"I'm sorry if I made you worry..."  
"Judy, you don't need to apologize. You did very well to make her call me. Do you feel really OK?" she asked, in the softest tone she could use.  
"Yes, I feel good now."  
"I'm glad you're okay. Come here" she hugged her, and Judy was amazed by that affectionate gesture.

She knew that Jen loved her and cared about her, but she also knew that the woman was reluctant to show her feelings. With her head resting on the blonde's shoulder, Judy smiled, and let herself go lost in that embrace, breathing deeply and feeling her heart beat faster.  
In a way that only happened when it came to Jen.  
The strong emotion of being held by her, of feeling how worried the woman was for her, was something priceless. 

Jen felt the younger woman relax in her arms, and she started doing circular massages on her back, feeling a warmth that was familiar to her only in the presence of the brunette.  
They remained in that position for several minutes. Judy moaning slightly from time to time, and Jen smiling contentedly, now that her treasure was safe in her arms.  
These thoughts were certainly fueled by the situation, by the fear she had felt at the idea that something serious might have happened to Judy, so she justified herself with those feelings just with fear. Even though she knew that there was something more.

Judy, for her part, she felt complete, loved, safe, as only happened with Jen.  
But she knew she couldn't ask for more, she knew that their relationship would remain platonic, and that that kind of affection was the maximum she could wish for.

"I want to go home," a half-asleep Judy said on Jen's shoulder.  
It was as if now, alone with her, Judy had let herself go to her spontaneity, to that almost childish attitude that she had only with Jen, and to the desire to return to that place that was now so familiar to her.  
"We'll be going soon, baby. Lie down, now, I'm going to talk to the doctor, okay?" she said, lifting her slowly and looking into her eyes.  
That smooth look, so warm and full of love, made her feel a dip in the heart. The younger nodded, while Jen placed her on the pillows "I'll be right back."

After about ten minutes, Jen returned with the doctor, who visited Judy, made her take a blood sample from the nurse and informed her that in forty minutes the result would be ready and, if there were no problems, she would be been discharged. 

It was 1 a.m. and Judy had dozed off. Jen was in the chair, sitting next to her, checking every breath of the brunette, waiting to finally be able to take her home.  
She watched her closely, and each time Judy looked more beautiful. Every nuance, every little sign, seemed to Jen like a precious detail to keep in her heart.  
The way, even in sleep, the brunette wrinkled her nose, or that bangs, often too long, covered her large amber eyes, was something Jen realized she was very jealous of.

The doctor came in, told her it was all right and that Judy would be released soon.  
"Can you put the signature for the discharging?" she asked, assuming she was the next of kin.  
"Sure. Thank you, doctor. I was wondering...is there anything Judy can always carry with her to avoid episodes like this?"  
"Yes. There are different types of cortisone" she said, taking out the prescription book "but this is the best" she was writing something "go to the pharmacy with this, and they'll give it to you."  
"Thank you so much."  
"You're very welcome" the woman smiled at her.

Jen put the prescription in her jacket pocket and went over to Judy, lightly stroking her face.  
"Judy... Hey, Jude" she shook her arm slightly. Judy jumped, then opened her eyes, as if she was trying to catch her breath.  
"Jen"  
"Hey. Don't worry, it's okay. You're okay." she reassured her, stroking her shoulder. Jen thought Judy was reliving, in a dream, the feeling of not breathing "are you feeling good?"  
"Yes... I was just dreaming."  
"You got scared, huh?" she asked, referring to the allergic attack.  
"A little" she admitted shyly.  
"Don't worry. It's over, now. You're okay. And I asked the doctor to prescribe cortisone for you to take it always with you. I'll go to the pharmacy tomorrow to get it" she said, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear.  
"Ok. Thanks.  
"Are you ready to go home?"  
"Very ready" she replied with a sly look. "I'm sorry I called you, Jen" she got serious "it's so late, and you must be exhausted."  
The brunette was interrupted by Jen's stern gaze.  
"Judy. Don't even say that. I don't want to hear this nonsense, okay?"  
"Okay," she replied, shy and pleased.  
"Come on, get up now. I'll help you get dressed" Judy wore the hospital gown, mandatory, for any type of hospitalization.  
She turned on the bed to sit down.  
"I think my clothes are there in the locker" she said pointing towards the closet.  
"Okay" Jen went over to the locker, opened it and took all Judy's things.  
"I don't even have my panties on" she said in a low, embarrassed voice.  
"I know. Don't you know the famous 'ass in the wind hospital gown'?" the blonde joked.  
"Jen! It's not funny"  
"What? Oh, it is! Here, your panties" she said, handing them to her, "do you need help?"  
"No, don't worry, I can do it," she said, taking them from Jen's hands and bending over to put them on, but she felt her head spin and, before she could fall, Jen grabbed her from under her arms.  
"Judy!"  
"I'm fine, I'm fine. My head is just spinning"  
"Let me help you. You don't have to be a hero now" she grabbed the panties from the brunette's hands and she bent down to put them on her ankles, pulling them up and helping Judy to slightly lift her butt to fix them "here we go. Now let's take off this awful hospital gown. Can you raise your arms for me?" she asked lovingly. Judy obeyed and she felt a shiver on her back when she found herself naked in front of her. Jen immediately put Judy's bra on, and Judy hooked it up and then Jen help her to fixed it.  
Lastly Jen helped her put on her black dress, the one with red and yellow small flowers, and her brown boots.  
"Here. Ready. Now get up slowly, like this. Good girl." Jen smiled at her, helping her to sit up, and when they came out the door, the nurse was there, behind a wheelchair. Hospital policy. Judy sighed, but she knew she had to sit down. "I'll take care of it, thank you," Jen said to the nurse, pushing Judy gently into the chair and carrying her out, then helping her to get up and support her as she drove her in. She closed the door and she got into the car with her, to finally go home. Their home. 

On the way home, Judy was quite silent.  
"Are you okay, Jude?"  
"Yes. Yes, I'm fine. Thanks, for coming, for helping me... well, for everything".  
"Hey" Jen put her hand on her leg "there's no reason to thank me. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you" she let slip. At those words, Judy felt her heart speed up. Jen realized that maybe she had gone far beyond "the important thing is that you are fine".  
The rest of the trip was silent, and when they arrived, Judy opened the car door and got out, and Jen was there to help her in no time.  
"Hey hey hey easy, wait. Let me help you."  
"I'm fine now, Jen".  
"No no no, missy. You will be fine tomorrow after a good night's sleep." Judy smiled. Did Jen really call her "missy"? Jen headed her home, and Judy looked at her curiously "you'll sleep with me tonight. I want to keep an eye on you."  
"Jen...there is no need to..."  
"Yes. No rumbling. I want to make sure you're okay". Judy nodded shyly.

So Jen took her upstairs and gave her a black shirt.  
"Is this okay for the night?"  
"Sure."  
"Okay. Do you need help in the bathroom?"  
"I don't have a toothbrush," she said.  
"No problem, you can find a new one in the cabinet on the right"  
"Thanks, Jen."  
"You're welcome. Call me if you need anything."  
"Ok."

In a few minutes Judy was ready, with the long black shirt and black panties that were visible; as Jen entered the bathroom to get ready, Judy lay down on the bed.  
After a while, the blonde joined her. She noticed that Judy had already fallen asleep, crouched to her side, her hands under the pillow.  
She pushed a strand of hair away from her face and gave her a sweet kiss on the bangs.  
"Sleep well, sweet angel. You're safe" she whispered. Then she turned off the light and went to sleep next to her.


	2. My Person

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jen becomes soft and cuddly with Judy, after what has happened, and begins to experience strange feelings and thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here the second chapter. I hope you like it.

Judy opened her eyes, and she felt extremely rested. She looked around, and remembered that she was in Jen's room. She heard noises coming from the bathroom, and she sensed that Jen was probably getting ready for work.  
It was Friday, it was eight in the morning, and Judy had the afternoon shift.  
After a few minutes, Jen came out of the bathroom, and she was overwhelmed by those huge amber eyes that looked at her.

"Hey" she began, smiling "good morning. How do you feel? Did you sleep well?"  
"Good morning to you" she also replied with a smile "I feel good. Never slept better" she declared innocently as she stretched.  
"Well" Jen sat on the bed next to her "any plans for the day? I have a meeting at ten and another one at two. Then, if you are not busy, how about spending a Thursday night with wine and TV? And for dinner we could order pizza, if you like" she proposed enthusiastically. Judy was amazed at all the tenderness, which Jen usually tended not to show.

"Yes sure!" she answered happily "I have the afternoon shift, but I should be home by seven."  
"Are you going to work?" she asked, slightly apprehensive.  
"Yes, I feel good, don't worry. I have the shift from two to six and a half. It's not such a tiring shift" she reassured her.  
"Oh okay. Are you sure you feel well enough to go to work? I would have preferred to know you at home to rest."  
"Jen, I'm fine" she declared, now serious, taking the blonde's hand in hers "you don't have to be afraid. It was nothing serious, it doesn't have any consequences. I'm fine. You won't get rid of me so easily" she added, joking.  
"Silly!" she hit her on the arm "I don't want to get rid of you at all" then she turned serious "I really feared losing you. The thought that something might have happened to you..."  
"Hey... come here" Judy pulled her close and gently hugged her "I don't want to wrinkle your beautiful shirt."  
"I don't give a damn about my shirt" Jen said.  
"Don't worry, ok? I'm fine. I promise".  
"Okay. Sorry if I'm being so apprehensive" Jen replied, enjoying that embrace for a few more seconds and then walking away, looking Judy in the eyes with a love never felt before "you're right. Now, however, let me prepare you a delicious breakfast. At least can I do this?"  
"Oh, you don't have to, I can prepare it!"  
"Are you insinuating something? I can make eggs and toast. In addition, there is yogurt and delicious fresh fruit. Organic, of course."  
"Ok, if you insist so much" Judy said "sure" with a lively look.  
"Good. I'll wait for you downstairs, then".  
"Ok."

Judy was very happy that Jen was letting go of her feelings, with her, although at the same time she was sorry that she had caused her so much stress and probably fears that had touched her deeply.  
She knew how much Jen was used to containing her emotions, and that only with her she had managed to feel again, to let herself go to some hugs, to some tears.  
She went to the bathroom to get ready, and when she went downstairs, she saw Jen struggling with the stove, which was not exactly her strong point, and she smiled, because she knew how hard she was trying to make a nice gesture for her.  
"Here you are" the blonde welcomed her "the eggs are ready. Here" she put them on the plate "I didn't burn them" she communicated to the brunette, proud.  
"Good job! I mean, it's a start" she solemnly replied "thanks"  
Judy was still wearing the black shirt she slept with, and no shorts, and Jen, looking at her from head to toe, found her adorable, in that oversized shirt, the perfect back that was visible under the shirt, her thin and firm legs, the dark nail polish on the toes, the hair a little messed up. She was so beautiful. And she was sexy. Those strange thoughts continued to invade her mind.  
Judy sat up and started eating; Jen joined her, and she ate with her, looking at her tenderly.

"I go out a little earlier with your prescription so I go to the pharmacy."  
"I can take care of it" she said, accustomed to not wanting to be a burden on anyone.  
"No, no, I'll go" Jen replied assertively.  
"Ok. Thanks" was the shy response of the youngest.  
"So I'm going. Rest, understand?"  
"Sure. Don't worry. See you tonight."  
"See you tonight" the blonde answered. And as if it were the most natural thing in the world, she kissed her on the head, heading immediately afterwards towards the door and leaving the house, with her heart pounding.

Judy stood there, thinking. Jen had always been there, but never so loving. She thought she was really scared. Probably the call from Michelle telling her that Judy was in the hospital must have awakened the memory of Ted's death in her. She felt guilty. Not only because of the accident, a story they had left behind by now, with the knowledge that if it wasn't for Steve, Judy would surely have stopped; but for having called her, for putting her in the condition of making her relive those moments, and for making her worry in this way. But that had come absolutely spontaneous. Jen was her family. Jen was "home". Jen was her person.  
But she was straight. She loved her as a friend. Judy could never have asked for more.  
After many of these thoughts, her head went to Michelle. She liked that woman. She was nice, sweet, intriguing. And she had spent a pleasant evening with her, excluding the risk of dying. But she knew deep down that no one would ever be as important as Jen. She sighed. She grabbed her cell phone, she put it to charge, and she saw a message from Michelle, which arrived half an hour earlier.  
"Hey, beautiful, I hope you feel better. I feel like shit for jeopardizing your life. I hope you can forgive me and that we will be able to repeat our dinner, strictly without shrimps. I kiss you".  
Judy smiled, for the sweetness of the woman, but she felt no butterfly in her stomach. No fast heartbeat, no shivering in the back. She knew very well that those kinds of sensations were related only to one person.  
"I'm fine, thanks. It's not your fault, I should have told you, so stop blaming yourself. Of course we'll repeat the dinner. See you soon, J." she answered.

Judy cleared the table and put the dishes in the dishwasher, then she went to take a shower and get dressed. It was eleven o'clock when she heard her cell phone vibrate for a message.  
"Finished the first meeting. Pair of assholes. Just a checkup to make sure you're okay, shrimp."  
"I'm fine, and thanks for calling me shrimp: p I'm sorry about the first meeting. I hope the second gets better. Xoxo, J."  
Jen smiled. Every message from Judy warmed her heart.

The day seemed to pass quickly; Judy went to work and she relaxed, with her painting courses for the elderly. She was so comfortable with them.  
Jen sent her another message around three o'clock, as soon as she got home, just asking how she felt, but Judy had forgotten her cell phone in her locker. Jen tried to stay calm. She told herself that there was no reason to worry, Judy was fine and was at work, she was probably just busy, but the truth was that she felt a strange feeling of anxiety about her. She tried to call her, but no answer.  
Okay, stay calm, stay calm. Everything is alright.  
Judy went to the bathroom around four, and thinking about Jen, she realized she had no cell phone in her pocket, so she quickly took it from the locker, and saw Jen's call and two messages. The second message seemed rather agitated. So she called her.

"Judy! Are you OK?" a worried voice answered.  
"Yes, Jen, I'm fine. Sorry, I left my phone in the locker."  
"God, You scared myself to death!"  
"I'm sorry..."  
"Okay, as long as you're okay. See you later, then."  
"See you later."  
"Oh, Judy, pizza with zucchini and potatoes?"  
"Yes" the brunette confirmed.  
"Ok. See you later" Jen's tone seemed resentful.

When Judy returned home, Jen made her find the TV on, the wine open, and the pizza already hot.  
"Hey... What a good smell!"  
"Welcome back. How do you feel?"  
"I'm good. Sorry again for the phone, if I made you worry."  
"Yes, you did. But don't worry. As long as you are well."  
"It was a beautiful afternoon. I taught them the sponge technique, they were so excited" she reported with her sweet smile. So much that Jen melted inside.  
"I'm happy for you"  
"And you? What about your second meeting?"  
"Looks like I made the deal. But I will have confirmation tomorrow."  
"Super cool! Then we have to celebrate! I make myself comfortable and I get to you" she said.  
"Ok, I wait for you. There is a surprise" she said with a wink.  
"For me? Really?" Judy asked curiously. Jen nodded.  
"Hurry up and you will see it."  
"I love surprises!" She said, walking away happily.

Jen smiled. She felt so different when it came to Judy. It was as if all of her defenses were lowered. As if everything she usually used to not be weak, it was totally nullified in the presence of Judy. Yes, she was definitely afraid. Afraid of losing her. The image of Judy on that hospital bed, even if only sitting, even if only a little wrinkled, had remained impressed on her, with terror, like a nightmare she never wanted to live.  
Judy was her safe point. And she couldn't imagine her life without her.

The brunette returned shortly after, with a flowered dress, slippers and her blue dressing gown.  
"Here I am!"  
"Come here" she handed her the glass with the wine. Judy took it and followed the blonde, while Jen opened the fridge "look what is there" she pointed. Judy took the box and opened it. She saw her favorite dessert. Chocolate cake with coconut flakes.  
"My favorite cake! Jen, thank you!" she looked like a little girl in front of the Christmas tree, and that kind of enthusiasm overwhelmed Jen, every time. The blonde smiled satisfied.  
"Don't get used to all these cuddles. Let's say that fear for last night shook me."  
"Okay, I won't get used to it. But thanks!"  
"You're welcome, shrimp."  
Judy made a face and sat on the sofa.  
"So I'm waiting to be super pampered tonight" she declared proudly.  
"Umh... Let's say that I will bring you the plate with the pizza and also the dessert. And I will fill your glass when necessary."  
"Well. It can be enough."

So they ate pizza, comfortably seated on the sofa, they watched silly comedies and they sipped wine. Judy looked serene, and Jen was happy.  
"Not even a slice?" "I can't do it, I ate too much pizza! I think I'm going to burst!" "Don't be so dramatic! You will eat it tomorrow" she told her, smiling. "Have you heard from Michelle?" the older one asked, trying to seem indifferent. Judy felt her cheeks burn. For some reason she felt uncomfortable talking about Michelle with her. She could sense that Jen didn't like her dating, and certainly after the story of the allergic attack, in which Jen had done nothing to hide her disappointment, the embarrassment was even more evident.  
"She wrote me an apology message this morning; she wanted to know how I felt" Judy replied lightly.  
"Well, it seemed pretty obvious to me that you weren't mad at her last night."  
"She certainly didn't do it on purpose" she tried to justify her.  
"But she was reckless" the blonde commented coldly.  
"Yeah, ok, but... I think I should have told her. Well, it's me who has an allergy."  
"Judy, will you sooner or later be able to blame someone other than yourself?" She said sharply. Certainly more than she intended. Judy's gaze darkened, and Jen immediately regretted that phrase "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be a bitch. I just...well, I wish that sometimes you were more forgiving with yourself and a little less with others."  
"I know you think I'm too kind, and maybe even naive. But I can't blame her for something I left out. It wouldn't be fair."  
"As you wish" Jen sighed "Anyway, I took cortisone from the pharmacy. It is there, in the bag on the table" the blonde changed the subject, not wanting to enter into speeches that could degenerate into some useless controversy.  
"Thanks, Jen."  
"Nothing, shrimp" she joked.  
"Could you... I don't know... maybe find another nickname?"  
"We'll see. It must be fitting, it is not a simple thing" the oldest replied solemnly "now this is what inspires me."  
"Okay, so I guess for a while I'll have to bear with shrimp" Judy replied resignedly.  
"I'm afraid so" the blonde concluded.

The evening went on quietly. Judy had leaned on Jen's lap, with her usual spontaneity and cuteness. Jen stroked her hair, and her heart was pounding, at Judy's warm sensation on her. The younger one continued to watch TV, with her head on Jen's lap, but she seemed sleepy, in fact after a while Jen felt Judy lie heavily on her. How precious that moment was. Just the two of them, in the silence of their home. Judy safe on her lap, Jen stroking her hair to make her relax and to feel calm and safe. Jen's thoughts went for a few seconds where she tried not to get them.  
They, as if they were a couple, there, together, always, for the rest of their lives, giving each other all the love in the world.

Suddenly Judy's cell phone lit up, and a message appeared on the display, which Jen could see was Michelle's. She wanted to look away, but the cell phone was right there, on the coffee table, so close that she could read the woman's words. Well, actually she had to stretch her head a bit, because she didn't see very well from there.  
"Hey, beautiful, I hope you are well. I'm thinking about you and I can't wait to go to dinner again. Xoxo ".  
Jen felt an uncontrollable anger growing in her. The instinct was to delete that message so that Judy wouldn't see it, but she stopped, feeling like a silly jealous teenager.  
It was late, and Jen was starting to feel the sleeping coming, but she didn't want to move from that position, she didn't want Judy to get up from her lap. So she stayed there for a while longer, enjoying that serenity, continuing to stroke her hair and mulling over Michelle's message.

"Why does this bother me so much?" she asked herself "probably because I care about Judy and she was simply killing her" she replied to herself "Judy is my person, damn it."  
"Mmhh..." Judy moved on her lap, turning on her like if she were a pillow.  
"Hey, sweety" Jen told her "you fell asleep... Come on, it's time for bed."  
"Mmhh... I'm so comfortable here" she mumbled between Jen's legs.  
"I know. I know that my lap must be super comfortable. Come on, come upstairs with me, you'll be super comfortable there too."  
"Upstairs?" Judy was ready to go back to the guest house, so she was astonished at that suggestion.  
"Yes" Jen confirmed, naturally, without giving too many explanations "come on" saying so, she tenderly lifted her from the shoulders and she helped her to get up "can you do it?"  
"Yaaaawww" she yawned and nodded, getting up and going after Jen, who turned off the TV and put the glasses in the dishwasher.  
"Come on, sleepy head" she said, grabbing her by the waist and heading upstairs. They got ready in the bathroom and they went to bed. Judy crouched over Jen, who smiled, trying to be like the usual bitch "sticky" she said.  
"You love it" Judy mumbled, with her eyes already closed, while sneaking her head on Jen's chest, who welcomed her wrapping her protectively and jealously in her arms.  
"Yeah" she whispered, hoping the brunette wouldn't hear it.


	3. Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Judy decides to accept Michelle's dinner invitation, Jen feels her jealousy explode.

In the morning, Jen opened her eyes and immediately missed the younger woman.  
“Judy?” she looked around, but the brunette was not there. She tried to hear noises in the bathroom, but nothing. She thought Judy was downstairs making breakfast. She got up, washed her face and went downstairs.  
Judy was there, in her blue flowered dressing gown, making blueberry pancakes “good morning” she said, smiling.

“Here you are! I wanted to surprise you” she said. Geez, that smile was the most beautiful thing in the world. And it was all for her. Jen looked at her in adoration.  
“Well, surprise successful. Friday morning, no business appointments, and pancakes for breakfast? What more could I ask for?” You giving me a kiss with those beautiful lips? Jen thought, immediately driving away the absurd thought. Stop it, Jen. The blonde sat on the island and waited for her breakfast with enthusiasm “How are you?” she asked casually.  
“I'm fine” was the brunette's reply “and you?”  
“I’m okay. Any plans for this Friday?” Jen was going crazy, she wanted to know if Judy was going out with Michelle.  
“Well, we must go shopping, we are short of fruit and vegetables” she said naturally. And it was at times like this that Jen felt happy. In this everyday life, in this familiarity that she was now unable to live without.  
“Okay, sure. Whole Food is waiting for us, then” she replied, knowing the artist's natural and organic tastes.  
“And tonight I would like to watch the movie I was talking about with you” she asked innocently, with those puppy eyes to which Jen was never able to say no.  
“Are we talking about that movie set in the desert?”  
“It's not boring at all, if that's what you're going to say! It's a movie set in the desert, yes, but it investigates the evolution of women on a socio-cultural level, and then there's also a beautiful love story” she explained proudly. Jen mimed a yawn and Judy jokingly hit her. Jen felt relieved that Judy hadn't named Michelle for her plans for the day.  
“Okay, okay, I trust you. What do you say, pizza yesterday, and sushi tonight?”  
“Yup! It sounds perfect” the youngest replied enthusiastically. 

When she smiled this way, Jen felt the butterflies in her stomach, and everything seemed so strange. Ever since Judy entered her life, Jen had always felt these strange, conflicting feelings, but in the end with a single matrix: the pure love that Jen felt for the woman. The desire to protect her, the constant need to have her around. The feeling of peace and security she felt when Judy was present. And the annoyance, the jealousy that was springing up in her at the thought that Judy might be dating someone else. In this case, Michelle.  
"And I have to eat the cake, since yesterday I was too full!"  
"It's true. You haven't even tasted it."  
"I'm going to eat a huge slice tonight," the younger one tenderly declared. Jen smiled.

The day passed serenely. After setting up the house, putting on the washing machine and changing the sheets, they decided to go out for shopping and have lunch at Whole Food, which offered a wide range of fresh and organic food. While eating a salad, sitting at the table, Jen heard a known voice coming from behind her, and saw Judy smile.  
"Hey, beautiful!"  
"Michelle, hi!"  
Jen turned and tried to place on her face the most formal and fake smile she had in her repertoire. When Michelle realized who the blond head was from behind, she tried to be gentle, even though she felt she didn't like her too much.  
“Hi, Jen.”  
“Hi Michelle. You too around here?”  
“Yes, I make supplies for the restaurant. I owe Judy a shrimpless dinner” she said defiantly. Jen's face twitched, she felt blood rushing to her brain, but tried to keep calm and smile.  
“Yes, Michelle wants to be forgiven” she said turning to Jen “even though I already told you it wasn't your fault” she told Michelle.  
“Well, guilt or not, I won't miss the chance to take you back to dinner” the woman urged. Now Jen looked for a reason to explode.  
“Jude, I'm going to get some more of your favorite sauce, we're done with it, I'll be right back” she said, getting up.  
“Ok” Judy answered, confused.  
"I don't think Jen likes me very much" Michelle said.  
"But no! Jen is like this, she seems a little brusque" she answered smiling "and she is very protective, that's all. She was very scared the other night."  
"If you say so. So... How about tomorrow night?"  
"Okay," said Judy, a little hesitantly. "I'll text you later, for confirmation."  
"Ok. So I hope it... Bye, Judy."  
"Bye, Michelle."

Jen checked out of the corner of her eye that Michelle had left, and returned to her.  
"Here" she handed the sauce to her. “Finish your potatoes" she invited her softly. Judy smiled, because Jen had been extremely soft with her ever since she had the allergic attack.  
"Yes, but you help me! I can't do it alone."  
"You are super thin, Jude, I have gained two pounds."  
"You are beautiful" slipped from her mouth spontaneously. She herself was shocked, and she looked down, intimidated.  
"Of course." Jen replied sarcastically.  
"I would like you to see it. And to love yourself more."  
"I love myself."  
"Not as much as you should," Judy retorted as she chewed on her chips.  
"And how much should I?"  
"A lot. Infinitely."

They did the shopping, and Judy, as usual, put Jen in a good mood with her enthusiasm, while choosing the most varied foods, stuff that Jen had never even heard of.  
"And this would be?"  
"Only a particular type of tofu. A bio-vegan version. I'll prepare it together with couscous. You'll like it."  
"I doubt it. It looks so strange." Jen grimaced as she watched it carefully, and Judy smiled amused. "Okay" the blonde said as she walked away. She grabbed a bottle of wine "but we need this. Our supply is running out!"  
"Well, yes, we definitely need that," the brunette concluded.

They went home, cleared the groceries, and then Judy went to take a shower. Jen ordered sushi, and as she did so, she thought about how much her life had changed for the better since Judy was there. She had crashed into her life in such a tumultuous way, and it had been hard. Really hard. But now it was all so different, so special, so right.  
Jen had these deep feelings for Judy, and this had happened immediately. Judy had entered her mind, her thoughts and her heart from the first moment. But recently something strange was happening, which she was unable to explain to herself, rather that she tended to deny herself. Why was she so annoyed by Michelle's presence?  
Well, she was overprotective, because she loved her, and the idea that someone could hurt her made her mount that anger that often she could not control. But this annoyance? It was more like jealousy.

When Judy returned, ready for dinner, in her long floral dress, Jen looked at her in ecstasy. She was always so beautiful, so natural, always comfortable with herself and with everything around.

"Here I am."  
"Sushi is coming" she said as she poured the wine.  
"But I'll pay for it, this time!"  
"I've already paid with my card."  
"You can't always pay for dinners," Judy protested.  
"I let you pay for the groceries today," she said proudly.  
"After a lot of times you paid for it."  
"Judy, it doesn't matter, who pays. You live here now, this is our house, you have redeemed half of Lorna, I don't want you to spend any more money. I sold that house, remember?"  
"I want to participate in the expenses more often!"  
"You will do it when you earn more than me."  
"It's unfair, I'll never have your income, Madam Laguna Beach's number one realtor!"  
"Umh… Then you can do it when you are older than me!"  
"Jen!!!" the women were now laughing on the sofa where Judy had joined the blonde.  
"Come on, we don't think about stupid money anymore. Rather, do I really have to suffer that movie?"  
"It's a beautiful movie!" Judy protested.  
"I suppose so" she replied sarcastically.  
"You can't know it before you've seen it!"  
"Oh, believe me, Jude, I think I have powerful clairvoyance skills instead."  
"Umphf" Judy crossed her arms pouting. Jen found her adorable.  
"Ok, ok, let's trust this movie. But if after twenty minutes I have yawned more than three times, we will change it. Deal?"  
"But it's not fair, this way you can cheat! You can start yawning as you please!"  
"I would never do it!"  
"Of course, and I should believe you!"

The women were really enjoying themselves when Judy got a message on the phone. They both stopped, looked at the table, where the phone was resting. It was Michelle. The atmosphere froze. Jen's face darkened, Judy's face was wrapped in embarrassment.  
"Excuse me" she picked up the phone "I'll take care of it right away."  
"Oh, no, don't worry, go ahead" she replied, pretending she didn't care. "In the meantime I will take the dishes. Dinner should be here any moment" so saying, she got up, unable to hide her nervousness as she would have liked.  
Judy read the message.

"Vegetable dinner for two, seven o'clock tomorrow night? Shall I pick you up at half past six? Xoxo" Judy hesitated a few moments. Many thoughts invaded his mind, and they were all confused.  
The feeling of well-being that she felt with Jen was unique, powerful, enveloping. But she knew, and kept saying to herself, that Jen could never give her anything more. And after Steve, after that abusive relationship, just to forget, she had never felt special for anyone else. Michelle was obviously overwhelmed by her. She made her smile, and feel good, took her to dinner, gave her many compliments. It made her feel important.  
She kept repeating in her head that Jen was his family, her person, in the most beautiful and purest sense that existed. But she would never have loved her, or seen her in that sense. So why wait for something that would never come? Why hurt yourself, suffer, or foreclose a story that could have given you everything instead?  
She answered the message with a simple "Ok, see you tomorrow", and put the phone down on the table. Jen had some chips for an aperitif and some wine (she felt she really needed it), and went back to the sofa, trying not to think about that message.  
"It was Michelle," said Judy. "Tomorrow we are going to dinner," she said, as though feeling obliged to let her know, but also, somehow, feeling uncomfortable. Jen's face twitched, and she couldn't hide her disappointment and anger.  
"Oh. I understand," she said, taking a sip of wine and not looking Judy in the eyes.  
"She wants to be forgiven, she still feels guilty"  
"You don't need to give explanations if you want to have dinner with her," Jen replied a little abruptly, but above all in an icy tone. She had just activated the "I freeze to protect myself, I don't want to suffer" mode.

Judy was saddened by that reaction, and all the usual doubts awoke within her. On the one hand she understood that reaction, attributing it to her sense of protection, on the other hand, it was as if there was something she didn't understand. Jen always seemed bothered by Michelle, and she knew she didn't like her, but she kept wondering why. Why so much.  
In silence she took some peanuts and ate them, looking through the channels for the one where the movie was being broadcast.  
"Look, Pretty Woman" Judy noted, trying to lighten the atmosphere with a fake enthusiasm "isn't it one of your favorite movies?"  
"Yes, it is. But we decided to watch the other one, didn't we?" Jen's tone remained cold and detached, almost harsh. There was nothing Judy could have said or done to get her back the affectionate, sweet and caring woman of ten minutes ago.  
Jen felt betrayed. Did Judy feel the urge to date Michelle so strongly? Well.  
But she didn't want to, she couldn't suffer. It was evident that Judy had an interest in that woman, and it caused her such anger that it clouded her mind.  
I mean, why would this have bothered her so much? Judy was not his fiancée. She was her best friend, her person, but it was normal that sooner or later she would seek someone's love. In someone other than her. Because she was straight, right? I mean, she had been married to Ted for years, she had never thought of women in any other way than friendship, so why did she feel so terribly hurt and jealous now?  
They knocked on the door, and the whirlwind of thoughts was interrupted by the bellboy.  
"I'll go," said Judy, but she was stopped by Jen. As if the woman was looking for any excuse to treat her badly.  
"No, I'll go."  
"Ok" was the quiet reply. Judy looked down, sad. She didn't know how to behave. She didn't understand what she had done wrong. Was it wrong to date a woman other than Jen? They were best friends, Jen was the best friend you could wish for, but she was nothing else, right? Why then this sudden change of behavior?  
Jen returned after a few minutes with the sushi, placing it on the table and sitting on the sofa "thank you" said the youngest shyly.  
"I also ordered some vegetable rolls," Jen told her flatly; they were Judy's favorites, and the brunette smiled shyly.  
"Thanks, Jen."

But Jen only nodded absently as she took the plate and handed it to her.  
They ate in silence, and when Judy put the movie on, the only words they heard in the room were the comments about the movie, which, boring or not, Jen looked like an automaton, with her head elsewhere.  
Judy tried to comment on the dinner, and Jen made an effort to sound normal, but her responses were dry and controlled.

After a while, Jen got up to get the cake.  
"I stop it," said Judy.  
"No, just leave it, I can listen to it," Jen replied indifferently.  
Judy felt her heart shatter.  
That sudden change in behavior confused, saddened her, and she really didn't know what to do. Jen returned with the slices of cake, one large for Judy and one thinner for her. She handed it to her, but it certainly wasn't like Judy had imagined it. The enthusiasm of before, the pampering, the kindness of Jen, it was all gone.  
"But my slice is much bigger!" •Judy tried to joke, with her unfailing sweetness.  
"Well, it's your cake, and besides, I have to lose a few pounds" Jen's reply was so serious that Judy wasn't allowed to resume the "you're so beautiful" speech. The brunette simply smiled, and ate it, making it clear from time to time how good it was.  
"Well. I'm glad you like it," was the blonde's reply.

They were on the couch, the movie was almost over, and Jen was finishing drinking her wine, yawning occasionally.  
"It's three yawns, but it's almost over," Judy pointed out.  
"Yes, I have good resistance," she replied, trying not to be too cold.  
She didn't like the sad look of the brunette, she didn't like being the cause of that sadness, but she couldn't help it. She felt angry. She felt hurt.  
As the credits went by, Jen started arranging the plates, the glasses and everything else.  
Judy helped her, watching her, looking for a moment to intervene, to say something, but it was Jen who took the floor.  
"Go to bed, I'll finish here," she said, from behind, while putting the glasses in the dishwasher.  
"Oh, ok," the brunette replied, disappointed, feeling that Jen didn't want her around anymore "Ok. Thanks for the dinner...and for the cake. So... goodnight" she said, hoping for some more elaborate answer.  
"Night, Judy" was all she got.

And in that moment, Judy felt her heart break into a thousand pieces.

Jen looked at her out of the corner of her eye as she walked to the door, head down, and thought how sad her eyes should have been. She felt herself sinking. Seeing her go away like that, it tore her heart. How much she would have liked to take her upstairs with her, like the previous two nights. Holding her all night, smelling her hair, waking up with her in her arms.  
But she couldn't. Because she would just suffer. Because it would have been harder when, then, she would have gone away forever, with Michelle, probably, or anyone else.  
A tear streaked her face, and Jen chased her away, annoyed. She didn't want to cry. She had to be strong, protect herself from the inevitable.

That night both women fell asleep in tears.


	4. Tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jen loves Judy but she thinks Judy doesn't love her.  
> Judy loves Jen but she thinks Jen doesn't love her.  
> Tears. Rivers of tears.

That morning, when Jen went downstairs, she didn't find Judy, as usual, and her heart darkened. For a moment she felt like when, after Ted's death, the house was empty, sad, silent. Where was Judy? Where was her sun?  
After the cold way she had treated her the night before, it was obvious that Judy wasn't there, smiling, making her breakfast and showering her with compliments.  
Jen sighed. She made herself some coffee, took a yogurt from the fridge, and without realizing it she is smiling, thinking of Judy who chose the biological ones for probiotics because "the immune defenses start from the intestine". 

She missed her. She missed every second that she wasn't there with her. Why? What was happening to her?  
With this, and other questions pounding in her head, she looked out the window and she saw the guesthouse window closed. Judy usually left it open when she went out. She doesn't remember if she said what shift she had today, and for a moment, she became anxious. Was she there? Was she in bed? Was she not feeling well? She decided to go check it out.  
She gently knocked, but she heard no answer, no noise.  
So she goes in, slowly.

“Judy?” she only looked out the door with her head. The bed was made, and she wasn't there.

In a way, she felt relieved, because that meant that the woman was well and that she was at work. She came in. She looked around. That place, which for years had been Ted's refuge, his rehearsal room, that place from which Jen had always felt excluded, was now a piece of her house too, where she and Judy had spent the evening laughing several times and sipping wine, where they had fallen asleep several times, after long chats. 

That guesthouse was so bright now, with Judy's crystals for energy everywhere,  
with fragrant incense, and all the colors of her flowery clothes. She thought of her smiles. Judy must have been some sort of angel.  
The well-being that her presence gave her was not comparable to anything else. 

There was a shirt, resting on the chair. It was the orange, red and brown striped one. She took it, smelled it. God, that smell sent her into ecstasy. It entered from his nostrils and reached the heart, brain, soul. Judy's smell was so enveloping, so delicate, so familiar, that Jen was beginning to wonder if there was really something unclear about her. All that jealousy, that apprehension, that hyperprotectivity. These sensations and anxiety towards the woman. Was she in love with her?  
She tried to drive these thoughts out of her mind, she put down her shirt and left the house, to go to work, where surely, due to unconventional, snobbish and petulant customers, she would surely be distracted.

Meanwhile, Judy was at work. Abe, an elder with whom she had developed a beautiful relationship, watched her.

“Hey, baby. Are you OK?”

The woman looked up from the painting book she was looking at, and smiled at him.

“Sure, Abe, I'm fine, thanks.”  
“Don't lie to me. Yesterday you were bubbly, your eyes were bright, and today that light seems to have gone out. Someone I need to fix?”  
“No... don't worry. There is no one to fix. I'm fine. I'm just a little thoughtful.”  
"All right. I'll pretend to believe you. But you know you can share your thoughts with me as often as you want.”  
“Thanks, Abe, it's nice to have a friend like you.”

He smiled at her, going back to painting.

Judy checked her cell phone, perhaps hoping for a message from Jen, but she only found a message from Michelle sending her an emoticon with a kiss. She smiled, but it was a sad smile. She was missing something, and she couldn't enjoy anything that usually made her smile. Not her work, not painting, not dinner with Michelle. She simply felt sad, empty, dull.

At 3.30 pm, when the shift was over, she returned home. Jen's car wasn't there, so she was probably still at work. Judy walked into her house, she put things down and took a shower. She still had time, before Michelle came to pick her up, so she decided to prepare dinner for her friend, who otherwise would have definitely ordered something ready.  
Judy was in the kitchen making a vegetable pie when Jen came in. The blonde was immediately overwhelmed by the perfume, and she was amazed to see Judy at the stove.

"Hey," she said calmly. Judy turned and smiled at her.  
“Hey, you're back.”  
“Yeah...” Jen didn't know what to say “are you cooking?”  
“Yeah. I'm making you a vegetable pie, with artichokes and courgettes” she said enthusiastically, knowing it was her favorite. Jen felt the anger mount.  
“There's no need to make dinner for me, Judy. I can cook it myself or order something” she said pungently. She was annoyed, because she thought that Judy felt somehow guilty, about leaving her alone, and that was her way to be forgiven. But Jen certainly didn't need his pity. The thought that she was going out with Michelle soon would make her sick.  
“...I know” she replied, trying to keep her eyes calm, and holding back the tears she felt rising up her throat “I just thought you could eat something more genuine” she tried to justify herself the brunette.  
“There was no need. I'm not very hungry, anyway” she said, turning and going towards the sofa, where she put her jacket on, and leaning on, she took off her high-heeled shoes, tired.

Judy looked at her, with love but sadness. Jen was so cold with her, it seemed like all the steps they had taken in their relationship were erased. Judy kept wondering why.  
She knew, rationally, that Jen was bothered by Michelle's presence, but she couldn't explain the real reason. Maybe she was afraid of it. She was afraid to delude herself that reason could go beyond reality, beyond rationality, to then be disappointed. But she didn't give up. Because she was like that.

“All right. But it's almost ready now, so if you get hungry later you can eat-”  
“Do you want to stop worrying about my appetite?” thundered Jen. Judy felt a blade stab her. She closed her eyes, frightened.  
“Ok. Sorry” she said with a bitter smile. She turned around, grabbed her phone and, with her head down, went out the French door to go to her house. Jen felt terrible.  
“Bitch. I'm just a pathetic bitch!” she said to herself, throwing the shoe she still held in her hand.

Judy tried not to think about how Jen treated her. She prepared for dinner with Michelle, hoping to find at least in her a distraction from that sad atmosphere that had fallen at home.  
When Michelle arrived at half past six, Jen heard the noise and stood behind the window, hiding herself behind the curtain.  
She saw Judy come out and join her. She was so beautiful, in a short, camel-colored dress with dark flowers, boots and her hair pulled up. She felt a grip in her stomach.  
She saw her smiling, and she thought Michelle just had to make her happy, so why would she ever have to think about her, who was always so angry, she was lonely, and sad, and treated her like shit .  
She threw herself on the sofa, wine in hand. Out of the corner of her eye she saw the pan with the flan that Judy had prepared for her with so much love. It was there, and Jen got up. She tasted it. It was delicious. Of course, it was. Judy had done it. With who knows how much love and concern. She ate some, then she went to the computer to work for a while, hoping not to think.

It was after eleven, and Jen was going to get ready for the night. She had checked through the window so many times, to see if Judy had returned, that she felt like an idiot. But the light in the guesthouse was out. Judy had not returned. She was probably with Michelle at her house. She probably would have slept there with her. Probably Michelle would have caressed her soft, smooth and perfumed skin. And kissed those beautiful lips. And stroked that soft and fragrant hair. And stroked her back, and the lower back. And the breast.  
Jen went completely into the ball. What was happening to her? Why was she having these thoughts about Judy? Why now she felt her center, down there, throbbing? Why did she feel she was wet at the thought of Judy naked?  
Certainly this left no room for doubt.  
It will be an infatuation. It can happen. I mean, Judy is so... So beautiful. So perfect. She loves me, she cares about me, she looks at me in adoration, she cares for me. Surely all these factors will have given rise to a desire like saying...new... Different.

While a brainy Jen was trying to rationalize what was going on, a more emotional Judy, after dinner, was chatting with Michelle in her restaurant, now all empty only for them, but with her head elsewhere.

“Hey, are you okay?” Michelle asked her.  
“Yeah, I'm fine” the brunette replied with a reassuring smile.  
“You look a little thoughtful tonight. Are you sure it's all right?”  
“Yes, everything's OK. Dinner was delicious, and this patio is even more beautiful at this hour.”  
“Yeah. And you're the icing on the cake. You're so beautiful, Judy” Michelle took her face in her hands and kissed her. Judy let her do, and returned the kiss, but she had Jen's constant flashes, even at that moment. Of resentful Jen, of cold Jen, of angry Jen. Her eyes filled with tears “Hey...hey, is everything okay?”  
“Yes. Sorry, Michelle... I'm sorry. You have nothing to do with it. I'm just... more emotional than usual. I'm sorry.”  
“Hey, it’s not a problem. You don't have to worry about me. But I want to know if you're okay, and if there's anything troubling you” she asked, stroking her cheek.  
“No... No, nothing that worries me. I'm just a little tired. I'm sorry.”  
“Do you want me to drive you home, or do you want me to take you to my apartment” she asked softly “we don't have to do anything if you don't want to. I can just hold you, and caress you, and we can sleep together” she said soothingly “what do you think?”  
At that tender and inviting request, Judy couldn't say no. The thought of coming home, seeing the lights in Jen's room, not being able to be with her, was hurting her right now.  
“Okay. Yes, I'd love that.”  
“Well. I let Jacob know, and then we can go”  
“Ok.”

Left alone, Judy took her cell phone from her purse. She checked it, hoping for some message, but there was nothing. She put it away, defeated. She tried to hold back the tears, which kept knocking insistently in her eyes.  
Michelle soon returned to her. She took her to her apartment, and the women lay down, dressed, removing only their shoes and jackets. Michelle stroked her hair, and Judy had closed her eyes, trying to relax under that touch.

“Don't worry” the woman said “close your eyes. There's nothing we need to do.”  
“I'm sorry, Michelle...”  
“For what? You're here with me, it's the best thing that could have happened to me” she replied, looking at her ecstatic. Judy was truly of a unique beauty, and the woman was enchanted, looking at her.  
“You can... You can lower my dress if you want.”  
“Are you sure?”

Judy nodded. Michelle pulled the zipper down, and slipped her hand under the dress, stroking her back. Judy relaxed, and Michelle started kissing her neck. Judy moaned with her eyes closed. Michelle realized this was not the time to go further.  
So after some strokes, she fell asleep, contenting herself with enjoying that spectacle that lay half naked on her bed.

Jen checked until 1:30 in the morning, but nothing. She resigned herself to the fact that Judy would surely stay with Michelle.  
She went to sleep with a weight on her stomach. But she didn't cry. She restrained herself, tried to resist. She could not allow herself to be broken by this situation.

It was nine in the morning when Judy returned. Jen was getting dressed, and hearing the noise of the car, looked out the bedroom window, and saw Judy get out of Michelle's car, and Michelle coming down to greet her, kissing her on the lips and stroking her cheek. She felt a pain in her chest, and tears ran down her face uncontrollably.  
She clenched her fists, took a deep breath and went downstairs. She had a coffee, and her heart was beating fast, because she imagined that Judy would enter the kitchen at some point. So it was. Judy came in. Jen turned around.

“Hey” she said timidly.  
“Hello to you” was the cold reply. Jen's heart was beating fast, she felt such a strong desire to hold her close, to kiss her, to see her smile. But Judy had spent the night at Michelle's. It was evident that she didn't care about her.

“Are you going out?”  
“Yes, I have a dance lesson.”  
“Ok. Well. Cool. I'm happy” Judy was really happy at the idea of having pushed Jen to resume her passion “and...would you like to have lunch with me afterwards?” she asked, frightened.

Jen felt a thousand emotions overwhelm her. Of course I feel like it, I would always have lunch with you.

“I don't know what time I'll be back, I'll let you know.”  
“Ok. Sure.”  
"I can see you're not dead" she said sarcastically as she passed by to exit the door.

Judy didn't answer. She wasn't sure if Jen's stinging joke was related to the allergic attack last night, and therefore to the fact that this time Michelle hadn't nearly killed her, or to the fact that she had spent the night out, and therefore Jen didn't know if she was okay. She stood there, sad, waiting for the woman to go away to burst into inconsolable crying.

Judy took a shower, and started to paint a little, trying not to think about the strange situation she was experiencing with Jen.  
It was half past twelve, and Judy thought Jen wasn't going to tell her about lunch by now. She was making a salad when she heard her come back.  
Her heart started beating fast. Jen walked in and saw her there in the kitchen, preparing lunch. The instinct was to hold her close, to laugh and joke with her. But she was hurt, she was angry, she was scared.  
Judy turned shyly.

“Welcome back” she said “will you eat the salad with me?”  
“I need to take a shower, first” she replied. She couldn't say no to such a sweet request. That smile. That smile killed her.  
“Ok” the brunette felt a little bit of joy inside.

Jen went to take a shower and when she came back downstairs she saw the table set. She sat down, and the women ate in silence.  
“So...Did the lesson go well?”  
“Yes.”  
“Well...”  
“I won't ask you about your evening, since you slept outside it seems clear to me that it went more than well” she said, pungent. Judy felt a pang in the heart. How to explain to Jen that she had spent the evening checking her cell phone hoping for a message from her and that with each kiss or caress of Michelle she had flashes of Jen, her face, her lips, her hands.

Judy couldn't say anything. Her eyes simply filled with tears. She held her fork gently, and as a tear fell on her hand, she got up and walked to the door, leaving the house, leaving Jen with a shattered heart.  
She had seen tears fill Judy's eyes, and a tear fall on her hand. And that so composed way of suffering, of protecting herself, of getting away from her that continued to hurt her, as if she didn't want to disturb anyone even when, probably as now, she had reason to suffer.

After all, why was she so angry? Why was she mad at her? Was she in love with her? So why not tell her. Why get hurt. At most she would have said no.  
No! Because in this way she would have lost her, because she would have ruined their friendship; Judy was dating Michelle! Why would she ever have to consider her in a way that was different from friendship.

Judy entered the guesthouse, what had now become her own home. She sat on the bed. She put her head in her hands. She cried.

How could she risk ruining everything, destroying her friendship with Jen, losing the most important and most stable affection of her life, only out of selfishness, because she wanted to have Jen all to herself, because now more than ever she was sure she loved Jen with all her heart and with all her soul.


	5. Disappeared

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Judy is missing. Jen feels crazy, and she has to find her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a very short chapter, but I assure you that the next one will be very interesting and longer. 
> 
> Let me know what you think about it!

In the afternoon Jen stayed at home, in her room, on the bed, with the computer in front of her eyes but her head somewhere else. The image of Judy, her eyes full of tears, walking away defeated, with a broken heart, could not leave her mind.  
She felt so bad, so guilty, and for a moment she felt the courage grow inside her: she had to go to her and talk to her. Explain to her what was happening. Tell her the truth.  
But the fear was stronger. She couldn't lose her. She would never have made it without Judy in her life.

Around seven, Jen went downstairs. The women usually dined together at this time, then laughed and sipped wine, they watched TV and fell asleep in Jen's large bed or guesthouse bed. Sometimes even on the sofa outside, but then they woke up around two in the morning and, cold, they slipped under the covers of one of the two beds, warming each other up, amid laughter.  
Jen thought about those moments, and how much she missed them.

She headed for the guesthouse. She took a deep breath, and knocked.  
But she got no response. She knocked again. But still nothing.

"Judy? Judy, are you there?" Jen walked around and she saw the window closed, and that Judy's car wasn't there. For a moment she felt panic. Was Judy out? Where had she gone? Surely she had gone to Michelle, she answered to herself. The instinct was to pick up the phone and call her, but the intention faded when she thought about the last dialogue between them. She had hurt her. Again.

Sighing, Jen walked back into the house. She ate something, but mostly she was playing with her fork, sighing and checking her cell phone every three minutes.  
"Where have you gone, Jude" she said to herself. In a way she hoped the woman was with Michelle. She hated the thought of them together, but at least she would be safe "I was a bitch. A real bitch."

It got dark, and no sign of Judy. Jen was too anxious, so she decided to get in the car. She wanted to make sure the brunette was okay. She knew where Michelle lived, because Judy had told her about the area, about the apartment, and she was a realtor, so she knew where to go. But when she got to the house, Judy's car wasn't there.  
The lights in Michelle's house seemed to be turned off.  
"Okay, they are probably out" she thought. But after a few minutes, Michelle arrived by car. Alone.

At that point Jen panicked. If Judy hadn't gone to Michelle, where else could she be? A thousand thoughts overwhelmed her.  
She took the phone from her purse. She opened the last few calls, and saw Judy. She couldn't resist and called.  
No answer.

Jen started to feel her stomach tighten. She knew how sensitive Judy was. She also knew what a big, heavy bag of guilt she carried inside, that although they had overcome everything together, Judy carried that weight inside.  
She felt terrible.

"What have I done? Judy, please answer" she kept calling her. But no one answered. She tried to take a breath and calm down "she's just angry. She's punishing me, not answering me. It's right. I deserve this."

She also thought about going and talking to Michelle, asking her if she knew where the woman was, but then she decided not to.

She went home. It was late. Judy would go back to sleep at home, at some point.  
Jen stayed at the window the whole time, but no sign of Judy. It was after eleven.

Jen was panicking.

00.50 am

Jen decided to go to the guesthouse, to look for some indication of where Judy might be. Her heart was beating fast. She was agitated, worried, scared. Judy didn't have the habit of disappearing like that.  
She looked around and saw, on the bed, among the pillows, her cell phone, with unanswered calls. Her eyes widened.  
"No..." at that point she felt lost. The only way to find her, the only hope of knowing where she was, had just vanished "what do I do now. What do I do? I'll call Perez. But she would surely tell me that too little time has passed to declare her missing, to send the police to find her. And then Judy would be angry. She wants to be alone. She walked away because of me, because I treated her like shit. What do I do. What do I do!" she sat on the bed, her head in her hands.

01.20 am

Jen decided to get in the car and go find her. She had no idea where.  
But she started from the neighborhood, looking everywhere for her car, in every little street; she went to the beach, she went to the seafront, she looked everywhere, but nothing.

It was October, and the roads were quite isolated.  
Where could she be? Jen really didn't know where to look for her, and with every moment that passed, her heart got heavier.

"Please, Judy, be safe, be safe, be safe" she kept repeating, trying to stop the tears.


	6. Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally they tell the truth.  
> And there is sex. A lot of wonderful sex.

"Please, Judy, be safe, be safe, be safe," she kept repeating, trying to stop the tears.

Suddenly, as she was walking home, defeated, she turned around on the road that led to the lake, and she saw Judy's car pulled up. Her heart seemed to stop in her chest. She walked over quickly and pulled up behind her car.

She got out and headed straight for the passenger door.  
It was then that she saw Judy, in the front seat, with her head propped against the window, probably sleeping.   
She felt her heart crumble at the sight of her Judy there, alone, who had surely fallen asleep in a sea of tears, feeling safe only in her car. Alone. 

"Judy" she said softly, knocking on the window "Judy..."  
"...." the brunette opened her eyes, stunned. She lifted her head from the window and looked to her right.   
When she saw Jen, her eyes widened, in a mixture of amazement and fear "Jen...? What..." she tried to recover, she wiped her still wet eyes.

The car door was open, and Jen opened it and walked in, sitting in the front seat.

"Judy... are you okay?" Jen was very agitated.  
"Jen..." Judy looked up, confused "what are you doing here?"  
"I was worried! You weren't home, and you left your cell phone there, I didn't know where you were, it's three in the morning. Geez, you're fine, you're fine" she said, relieved, breathing a sigh of relief.  
"Yeah, I'm fine" she replied shyly, lowering her eyes. She was amazed by all that worry. Lately Jen certainly hadn't shown her the usual interest, the usual affection, and Judy, who was used to being rejected by all the people she loved, had almost gotten used to her coldness too, so that worry surprised her.  
"Come with me, okay? I'll take you home" she said lovingly "just leave the car here, we'll come and pick it up tomorrow."  
"........"  
"Come on, let's go" the blonde insisted, seeing her hesitate. Judy wiped her eyes again, and she got out of the car, slowly, closing it, and following Jen into her SUV.

There was silence in the car; from time to time only Judy could be heard sniffling. Jen felt her heart broken, and beating wildly.  
What would she have done if she hadn't found her? What if Judy was missing, or gone forever? At that thought she felt mad. But Judy was there, safe, next to her.

When they got home, Jen motioned for her to follow her, with a soft smile, something Judy hadn't seen on the blonde's face for days and which lifted her soul.  
Once inside, Jen handed her a glass of water, which Judy drank in one gulp. She didn't realize she was so thirsty.

"Do you... do you want to sit down?" Jen asked. Judy nodded "I know you may not want to talk to me. And you would be right. I know I was a real bitch."

Judy was silent; she looked scared; she seemed to breathe softly, as if she didn't want to disturb.

"Judy... Please, can you talk to me? Tell me something. Anything... You can even insult me if you want. You would have every right" she insisted, with a bitter smile.

Still silence. Judy took off her boots. 

"Please, I need you to talk to me."  
"Don't... don't worry. I'm okay."  
"Of course I worry. You left, crying, 'cause I hurt you. And I found you in the car, alone and..." Jen's voice broke with tears.  
Judy was shocked. She looked at her.  
Jen was crying.  
The blonde put the glass of water she was drinking on the coffee table, and grabbed her hand. Judy looked at their hands clasped together and for a moment she thought about sharing her thoughts with Jen. But then fear prevailed. Then it was Jen who spoke.

"I'm sorry, Jude."  
"It's okay..." the automatic reply started.  
"No, it's not. Forgive me. I'm so sorry. I owe you some explanations" the blonde began, ready to open her heart, ready to explain the reason for all that anger.  
"No, Jen. It's me, who must apologize."

At those words, Jen felt stunned.

"You? Why on earth..."  
"Well... because...I....The fact is...well...Michelle" she started.

At that name, Jen felt a blade pierce her. She didn't want to talk about this. She didn't want to hear her Judy talk about her feelings for Michelle. For someone other than her. But she knew she had to listen now. Judy deserved to be heard.

"Ok" she continued, hoping to be able to hide her disappointed, sad, annoyed expression "Michelle."  
"She... She's a nice person, and so kind, and she treats me so well, and if it wasn't for what happened the other night, I also had a nice evening with her" Judy's tone was flat. Jen didn't understand where Judy was headed.  
"Ok" she encouraged her to continue; her heart was pounding.  
"It's just that...you know... I don't know how much I really feel like being with her...well... I mean... I don't feel completely happy when we're together. It's like I...in somehow it's like every time I'm with her, I wait for the evening to end. I can't explain that. God, I'm such a bad person."  
"Judy, no. You're not a bad person just because you don't feel so good with her." Jen's tone was soft, sweet, understanding. Maybe even hopeful.  
"It's just..." Judy sighed, shrugging. She was so cute, she looked like an innocent child. And Jen would do anything to protect her.  
She couldn't resist seeing her so confused, sad, defeated. Also because she knew it was her fault. And she couldn't understand what Judy was trying to tell her. Or maybe she was just afraid "I wish I could talk to you."  
"You can do it, Jude, you know that."

There was a pause. That silence in the room was like a boulder for both of them.

"Come on, come here." Jen broke the silence and pointed to her lap. Judy looked at her with a curious expression "come here" she repeated.  
"There...you mean...on your lap?"  
"Yes, that's exactly what I mean. Come on, please." Judy made an unsure expression. "How much will you weigh, eighty-five pounds? Come on, shrimp." She tried to joke.

Judy felt her heart warm to that tone. Jen was Jen again. She spoke to her fondly. She smiled at her. The enormous weight that Judy had felt in her heart for the past few days seemed to have completely vanished.

Even Jen was starting to feel her heart lighter. Talking to Judy with tenderness again, without anger or without that cold tone, made her feel like she was breathing again.

But she herself didn't realize what she was doing. Was the urge to hold her so uncontrollable? What would Judy think, that she had gone soft? She, who was always super controlled, who moaned and made strange faces when Judy was in cuddle mode, when she touched or hugged her, now she was there and she couldn't resist the idea of holding the woman to her.

Judy approached her shyly, and Jen grabbed her by the arm and guided her into her lap, making her sit astride her, with her dress open, leaving no room for imagination. Judy's beautiful legs were there on her and the shy gaze of the brunette rested on her blue eyes.

"Here..." the blonde said, while Judy looked at her, still intrigued by that strange request. "Hi..." Jen continued with a reassuring smile "you are even lighter than I imagined." Judy smiled, for the first time since all evening, and she looked intently into her eyes "it was horrible to think I lost you, Jude. I'm so happy that you are here, here with me, and that you are fine, and safe and sound."

Judy started crying.

"Oh, no, no... Don't cry..."  
"Is... is this" she tried to say, through tears "this is how I would like to feel" she admitted softly "I think this is the feeling I would like to feel. I... Jen, I'm so scared" she said suddenly, throwing herself on her and resting her head on Jen's shoulder, as if to hide herself.  
"Hey... Jude, it's okay. Don't worry. Shh... shh... I'm here, with you. Everything is alright. You don't have to be afraid." Jen cradled her tenderly, trying to reassure her. She couldn't bear to see her cry.

After a few moments of silence, Judy continued.

"But... it's you, I'm afraid of" she said softly.  
"Me?..." Jen asked, shocked.  
"I'm afraid of what I'm feeling, Jen" she said, through the blonde's hair "I don't want to lose you, and I know that you... well I know you love me but I... I think I feel something more... and I can't hold it back anymore. And I can't tell you by looking you in the eyes, because I would see your disappointment, your rejection, your anger, and I don't want to, I can't bear your anger. Not again." Judy was crying profusely now, and Jen, shocked and delighted by that statement, was stroking her back reassuringly. She couldn't believe those words.   
So did Judy love her too?

"Hey... no, no, don't cry... Judy, honey, look at me" she said, trying to pull her up to look at her.  
"No..." Judy refused to.  
"Ok. So you stay here, here on me, and listen to my words" she started giving her circular massages on her lower back, wanting to go further, but she stopped, and she continued talking, massaging her in a soothing way "there's nothing that makes me happier than spending time with you. Nothing that makes my heart beat faster than when you're close to me. You know why I've been so bitchy, and cold, and angry?"

Judy was listening to her, amazed, waiting for her words.

"Because I hate the idea of you and Michelle. I'm jealous. I am madly jealous. I wish you were mine Jude, mine alone" she said in one breath.

Jen felt the brunette's body stiffen. And it seemed to her that she could hear the beating of her heart, strong, fast, warm.

"Yes, Jude. You heard right. I love you. I am in love with you. I have always been afraid of not being enough for you. You are so special, you are a creature full of love. I am just an angry and frustrated woman. I am almost ten years older than you, and I'm certainly not as beautiful as you are, I don't have that perfect and firm body" Judy's body stiffened again at these statements. How could Jen say such a thing? She was the most beautiful woman on the planet, Judy thought "see, like now? I... I couldn't resist... and I had to take you on my lap. Because I needed to feel your body on mine. Your perfume, your warmth. Because the idea of you seeing Michelle again drives me crazy. I want you to be with me. Only and always with me. I want to protect you, love you, fill you with cuddles, make you laugh, I want your face to be the last thing I see, at night, before sleep, and the first thing when I wake up in the morning. I want to be your first thought and I want to be able to touch this beautiful body... I want to be able to taste you, and smell you. Judy I think I love you like I've never loved anyone..." now it was Jen's eyes that were wet with tears.   
Judy was speechless. She lifted slowly from her shoulder and met her eyes. She was shocked, happy, confused, excited. 

"Are you... are you serious? You...do you really love me? Not like a friend?"  
"I am serious, Jude. I love everything of you. I love you so much" Jen was crying "I've been so bad these days. I hated treating you so badly. I am so sorry."  
"Jen, this is the most extraordinary thing that has happened to me in my entire life. I was scared to death that you wouldn't feel for me what I feel for you, and I was so scared of losing you. That's why I started dating Michelle. Because I was sure you could never reciprocate my feelings, and so... I was trying to forget you. But every time I was with her, I kept thinking about you. Do you know how many times I used to check my cell phone during the evening with her, hoping to find your message? I felt so stupid."

"Oh, honey, oh, my beautiful, precious Judy." Jen took her face in her hands, gently bringing it closer to hers, to look into her eyes closely, as close as possible. Jen felt her heart explode with joy, hearing those words "I did exactly the same" she said, laughing through her tears  
"these beautiful amber eyes... How much I wished they would look only at me... What a fool I was."  
"And so we... we thought we were in love and not reciprocated and... we have come this far, hurting ourselves even if we didn't want to...?"  
"Yeah. I think that's exactly what happened. And now we are here... So close... I can feel your breath... And I need you..." 

Jen gently pulled Judy's face to her, and their lips brushed, slowly, then touched, delicately, as if to savor such a desired flavor, calmly, delicately, and the women got lost in that kiss, which, little by little, became more and more deep, intense and passionate. 

Jen asked for access, gently, with her tongue, and Judy opened her mouth, letting her in and feeling her explore the inside of her mouth, and then doing the same.   
Judy's body was covered in chills, and Jen felt her heart come out of her chest. She had never experienced such an intense sensation with just a kiss.   
It was as if all the repressed desire was now exploding in that kiss. She felt that Judy was finally hers, that she belonged to her, in the most beautiful, deep, loving, protective and passionate sense that existed.

Her hands had now slipped from Judy's legs, under her dress, and were stroking the soft, smooth naked back of the brunette.   
Judy's breathing was getting more and more intense. Those hands, which she had always wanted on her, were now caressing her skin, with delicacy and possession.

Judy held Jen's shoulders, stroking her back too, through the T-shirt the woman was wearing, and felt her center pound with desire, also because Jen was now stroking her butt and starting to squeeze it, showing clear signs of an uncontrolled passion. 

As soon as they broke away from the kiss, to catch their breath, Jen started kissing her neck, slowly, vehemently, then slowly again.

"Judy... Oh, Jude... Your smell... it's wonderful. Sublime. I feel crazy. You are beautiful. So beautiful. I want to kiss you until tomorrow, I don't want to break away from you, from your body." So saying, holding the woman close to her, she lifted her slightly and, turning around, put her on the sofa, mounting her on top. 

Judy looked at her with a fleshly and eager gaze.   
Jen bent down to kiss her again and again, and she bit her lip gently, making her moan with pleasure.

"Jen..."

Jen lifted her slightly, holding her to unzip the floral dress, and, placing her back on the sofa, took it off completely, and Judy was now in her purple lace lingerie set.   
Jen was shocked by such perfection, and her heart seemed to stop in her chest.   
Judy raised her arms to reach Jen's shirt, intending to take it off, and Jen helped her to do so, remaining only in her black satin bra.  
Judy looked at her in delight. Jen was so beautiful, so fluid, so shyly unsure of her beauty that she was even sexier.

"Oh my God, Jen, you're so beautiful" she said as she stroked her long, soft blonde hair, which fell to her shoulders.  
"You say it because you can't see the perfection that I have in front of my eyes" Jen started kissing her neck, getting down on her collarbones, and kissing her chest, smelling her skin and stroking her face.

Luckily the sofa was big and cozy, they were on the side island of it, so there was a lot of space, and Judy reached out her arms again, this time to try to reach for the button of Jen's jeans; those jeans that the blonde had previously grabbed on the fly, and worn to go out, running, looking for her.  
Jen let the younger woman open the button on her jeans, and soon after she took them off, tossing them to the floor, and uncovering the black satin panties, which were matched to the bra.  
Judy began to caress Jen's back, legs, and butt, and she felt such a strong emotion, at the idea that the woman was showing herself to her in all her vulnerability, in all her splendor, that a tear fell from her eyes.

"Hey... What is it, honey, are you okay?" asked a worried Jen, immediately wiping the tear with her fingers and looking at her with apprehension "Everything is alright?"  
"Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry, Jen, I'm fine. I'm just...overwhelmed by all this. I feel like I'm dreaming, you know? I don't think I've ever been so happy before."  
"Me neither, Jude. This is the best moment of my life. You are the best thing that has happened to me in my entire life."  
"Sorry, I didn't want to interrupt" she said apologetically.  
"Judy, listen. You must NEVER apologize to me again, do you understand? There is nothing you can say or do that you should apologize to me about. Nothing. It is undeniable that I can't wait to go back to kiss, touch and breathe this wonderful body that I have in front of my eyes" she said, joking "but there is nothing that is more important than you, than what you feel, what you need. I always want you to talk to me, whatever you want, and at any time."

Judy smiled.

"Thanks, Jen. I can't wait to keep kissing and touching you too, anyway" she told her, moving closer, as the blonde interrupted her by placing her lips on hers.

The women continue to kiss and caress each other relentlessly, as if time had stopped and everything that mattered was there, between them, in their breaths, in their lips, in their bodies.  
Jen slipped her hands under her back and unhooked her bra, taking it off and gasping at the sight of that perfect breast.

"Oh my God, Judy. I don't think there is anything more perfect on earth" so saying, Jen started kissing her breasts. At first one, then the other, and playing with her now tense nipples; at first, only with the tongue, teasing them, then starting to give light bites, and finally sucking them, one at a time, while the brunette writhed, moaning, excited and horny as never before. 

"Oh, Jen!" Judy was completely out of her mind, and the more Jen saw her so horny, the more she got aroused.   
In a rush of passion, Jen pulled her panties down, touching her, and feeling how wet her core was. That warmth she felt from Judy's core was the most exciting thing in the world. She couldn't believe she was really there, with her hand on Judy's pussy, touching her, breathing her scent and ready to eat her passionately. 

She decided to stick a finger inside her, to feel even more that heat, from inside, and to feel the sensation of owning the brunette. When Judy started moaning out of control, Jen slipped her second finger, starting to move inside her, back and forth, feeling Judy's core getting hotter and wetter.   
The moans were more like little screams now, and Jen felt wet herself. With her free hand she took off Judy's panties completely, throwing them somewhere on the sofa, and she bent down to taste her, unable to resist anymore. When her face was in front of Judy's pussy, Jen felt overwhelmed by her powerfully arousing scent. 

"Geez, Jude. You are so hot, and wet... And you are mine. Only mine" she repeated, as she continued to penetrate her rhythmically.   
Judy sensed how important this concept of possession was and could arouse Jen, and the same effect it had on her, especially because the brunette never really felt like she really belonged to anyone.

"More Jen, more, please" the brunette pleaded.  
"More of what, Judy?" the blonde provoked her feeling more than horny at the idea that the woman was begging her to penetrate her even harder, with more fingers.  
"Please..."  
"Ask, and it will be given to you" continued the older one.  
"More fingers, Jen, penetrate me with more fingers, please" the brunette surrendered, feeling her body vibrate from within, in a mixture of excitement, deep emotion, love and passion for the woman she had always loved and who was now fucking her as in her most filthy dreams.  
"At your orders, love" so saying, Jen slipped a third and fourth finger, and Judy screamed with pleasure, while Jen's fingers moved rhythmically inside her, who was now totally wet, aroused and abandoned to the will of the blonde.

After a few minutes Jen pulled her fingers out and started licking them and the brunette's pussy. Then she started penetrating her with his tongue, and after sucking it all, ravenously, Jen started stimulating her clit with the tongue, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, as if she had already done it a thousand other times.

Judy felt the orgasm coming from deep inside, and her muscles began to twitch as her toes twitched too, as she wrapped her hands around Jen's hair, almst screaming in pleasure, and the most powerful and arousing sensation she had ever experienced invaded her completely, leaving her her to gasp and try to catch her breath.   
Jen raised her head to look at her, satisfied and pleased with the good job done, and saw the brunette so beautiful, so perfect, there, all naked in front of her, trying to catch her breath, and for a moment she she felt complete, happy, as she had never been. Knowing that Judy was so aroused by her made her feel an extraordinary strength and pride.   
Jen loved Judy with her whole self, and being the person who made her happy, both emotionally and sexually, filled her with joy.

Judy opened her eyes, and realized she was all naked, sweaty, wet, in front of Jen still wearing her underwear set, and for a few seconds she felt embarrassed. Jen sensed it right away, and she stood up, stroking her face and smiled at her.

"You are so wonderfully beautiful, Jude."  
"And also naked and embarrassed, I would add" she said, with a shy smile, which Jen thought was adorable.   
Jen smiled back at her, and after a few minutes, when Judy caught her breath, she stared at her hungrily. 

Judy knew that Jen had a problem with her body after the mastectomy and that Ted had made her feel ugly, repulsive and unwanted for years, which is why she wanted to use as much gentleness as possible to make her feel comfortable. 

Judy looked at her, and looked at her chest, then looked at her again.  
"Can I?" she asked softly, referring to removing her bra. Jen looked at her, and in those eyes she saw all the love in the world, the kindness, the deepest interest in her and her feelings, as well as desire, a sincere desire that went beyond everything.

"It's not like yours. It's weird, and...different but... Yeah, you can, Jude. I feel safe with you" she told her, nodding softly.

"That's what I want, Jen. I want you to feel safe with me. Because you are perfect and beautiful, so beautiful that I take my breath away."

So saying Judy unhooked her bra, and Jen was now lying next to her. Judy stood up and looked at her with loving eyes. She smiled at her, and she began to caress her gently, giving her little kisses on the neck, behind the ears, and going down to her chest. She kissed her breasts, and continuing to caress them, she kissed her belly, and then she went down, all the way down there, and took off her panties, gently pulling them off her ankles and placing them on the sofa. Judy saw her warm, wet core, covered in little blonde hair, and she felt her own core squirm with excitement. She kissed it, and breathed the scent she had dreamed of a thousand times. Gently she licks her labia, looking for her clit, to stimulate it, to tease her, but only with the intention of enjoying and making the woman completely enjoy those beautiful moments. Now even Jen was all naked, there, on the sofa, and that image was so majestic, so hot, so sexy.  
Judy was already stimulating her clit with her tongue, and Jen was moaning, grabbing the brunette's hair, when suddenly she felt two of Judy's fingers enter her, and a sensation never felt before, like lightness, like if her whole body now had no weight.   
Judy's fingers went in and out, first slowly, then faster and faster, causing her to gasp and tremble with arousal.  
As Judy's fingers went three, her tongue was stimulating her clit circularly, and Jen felt mad, she felt she was completely out of control, and now she was there, enjoying and moaning like she hadn't in years, or maybe she hadn't never done before.

The orgasm came as soon as possible, and as Jen writhed and moaned out of control, trying to get this electric, magical feeling going through her entire body, completely invading her, she felt that Judy was now literally eating her pussy, sucking her juice and starting a second, immediate penetration with three, or maybe four fingers.

"Geez, I don't... I don't think I can make it" she warned her.  
"Trust me" Judy told her confidently. 

Now that Jen was overexcited, her pussy was more open and welcoming, and Judy was rhythmically penetrating her, sure that the feeling would be more intense and deep now.

While with her left hand she continued her movement, in and out, and Jen moaned and enjoyed like crazy, with her right hand Judy began to stimulate her clit with her thumb, and she penetrate her with a finger of her right hand that joined her other fingers of the left hand. Jen screamed in pleasure, she didn't think she could feel so aroused.  
Judy must have been some kind of sex goddess, because in all her life she had never experienced such sex.   
The second orgasm came immediately, and she let it flow through her body, continuing to moan nonstop, until she found herself gasping and breathing again, with Judy who, she didn't know when, had come close to her to kiss her, to let her taste her own taste. 

"God, Jen, you're a wonder of nature" she told her, looking at her in adoration.   
Jen blushed slightly, trying to catch her breath.  
"Judy, you're kind of a goddess, you know that, right? I've never experienced anything like that in my entire life" she told her.  
"Yeah, yeah, I'm quite capable, I know" she joked, bragging a bit.  
"Come here" Jen pulled Judy towards her and kissed her passionately "I can't break away from you now, are you aware of that?"  
"I couldn't ask for anything better, because I can't break away from you anymore too, Jen"  
"Good. Perfect. Cool. Because it's late at night, and I don't feel tired at all, and now I want to take you upstairs to bed and keep having great sex with you until tomorrow" the blonde said, leaving Judy speechless.  
"Ok, Miss Harding. Your suggestion is tempting to say the least."

Jen got up and sat on the sofa, grabbed the two covers with which the women wrapped themselves in the evening, in front of the TV, when it was a bit cold, and with one of them she meltingly wrapped Judy, and with the other she wrapped herself up, then held out her hand to Judy, inviting her to follow her upstairs.


End file.
